厕所强奸

厕所强奸 - National Hot Rod Association

Things That Aren't Here Anymore

04 Jul 2014
Phil Burgess, 厕所强奸 National Dragster Editor
DRAGSTER Insider

You know me -- it doesn鈥檛 take much to distract me and send me plummeting off course down some uncharted lane of drag racing errata. You know how you can go to YouTube to see one video and keep following related videos until you realize it鈥檚 4 in the morning? Yeah, same thing with me when it comes to flipping through old issues of National Dragster.

So there I was late last week, flipping through the 1969 U.S. Nationals issue looking for the identity of someone鈥檚 blown engine when I stumbled across the photo below. It took my breath away.

It鈥檚 a shot of 鈥淏ig John鈥 Mazmanian鈥檚 Funny Car stripped down to the bare chassis in some Indy-area hotel parking lot for the team to work on. It鈥檚 something you鈥檇 never see today but was a fairly common sight in the 1960s and even into the 1970s. Hotel parking lots had plenty of level, spare space, usually on asphalt, to tackle the jobs, making for far better working conditions than the typical grass or gravel pit areas of the time. There are horror stories of teams tearing apart engines on hotel beds or using the tub to wash parts, of left-behind towels and sheets soaked with oil and grease. Oh, the humanity.

There's a show that airs on our PBS stations out here called Things That Aren't Here Anymore, which shows archival photos and videos of attractions and landmarks long gone from the landscape, and this photo got me to thinking about how much things have changed -- sometimes for the better, sometimes not 鈥 and things that just aren't there anymore in drag racing. It鈥檚 just a list off the top of my head, without much more thought than it takes to tap out the letters on my keyboard and guaranteed to be missing some of your personal favorites, but here goes:

When Top Fuel cars smoked the tires for most of the run, and it was a good thing.

Mailboxes used for injector scoops on dragsters.

Practically unlimited qualifying runs, with nitro teams pulling their cars right back into the staging lanes to work on the cars.

Tuning the engine by reading the spark plugs and bearings.

Push-road fire-ups.

Pits areas defined by nothing but the space between your car and the next, with fans on all sides.

Waiting for weeks to see the race on TV or to learn who won from a magazine.

Pro Stock and Funny Car runs that weren鈥檛 the epitome of perfection but had front ends flying high on the leave.

When the finish-line 鈥渓ights鈥 actually used lights that shined back to sensors in the guardrail instead of infrared beams darting out to reflector-covered foam boxes. When someone took out the lights, it was a long wait for them to be rewired.

The glorious pre-run Funny Car ritual: long burnout, fast backup, dry hop across the line, back up, dry hop, dry hop 鈥 stage. Remembering the drama that was built into the sequence, with the engines barking at one another on the hops, still gives me goose bumps.

Real bleach in the 鈥渂leach box.鈥

When you had to strain to hear the announcer call out the e.t. and speed because there were no scoreboards.

Crazy-looking gassers and Modified Coupes and Roadsters that looked as if they were dreamed up by kids with leftover parts from our plastic-model kits.

Breather masks and open-face helmets.

鈥淪unday, Sunday, Sunday!鈥 radio ads.

Buster Couch, on the starting line.

Steve Evans at the finish line.

Fire burnouts.

Twin-engine cars.

The break rule.

Top Fuel wheel pants.

Rear-engine Funny Cars. (Or is it mid-engine?)

Front-engine dragsters.

The goofy way that Top Fuel was settled at national events in the 1960s, with Saturday鈥檚 winner sitting out to face Sunday鈥檚 winner.

The whole, mismatched Top Eliminator setup for national events in the 1950s.

The Manufacturers Meet.

Huge television cameras on the starting line.

Engine-builder rivalries: Black vs. Pink vs. Waterman vs. Montrelli.

Manually shifted and -clutched Pro Stockers.

Ronnie Sox and Bill Jenkins, two out of three at Aquasco.

鈥淩agged鈥 gloves.

When a leather jacket was the ultimate in driver protection.

Driver nicknames and colorful car names.

The Drag News Mr. Eliminator list.

Six-foot-tall trophies that took two people to lift.

Acrobatic flag starters.

Bernie Partridge, Dave McClelland, and Bob Frey calling the action.

鈥淛ungle Jim鈥 Liberman.

Roller starters.

Cheater slicks.

Beer cans covering the ends of the header pipes.

Upholstered cockpits.

鈥淟oser鈥檚 Leave.鈥

Gold Dust rosin.

The "V for Victory" salute in the lights.

Open trailers.

Ramp trucks.

Duallies and fifth-wheel trailers, the ultimate fashion statement of the 1970s Funny Car troops.

Round steering wheels on Funny Cars.

The 10-10-10 tune-up.

Rocket cars.

D-ring parachute release levers.

The slang: 鈥淒ropping the laundry鈥; 鈥渓unching the engine鈥; 鈥渘ailing the anchors鈥; 鈥渄riving it out the back door鈥; 鈥渂rain bucket鈥; 鈥渉auling the mail鈥; 鈥渟moking the hoops鈥; 鈥渞unning the can鈥; 鈥減utting a leg out,鈥 etc.

The between-runs entertainment: Bob Correll鈥檚 Kitecycle, Lee 鈥淚ron Man鈥 Irons skiing behind his motorcycle, 鈥淏ullet鈥 Bailey being dragged behind a car, 鈥淏enny the Bomb,鈥 and so many more.

64 Funny Cars!

Pro Stock engine weight breaks.

Chrysler vs. Ford vs. Chevy vs. Oldsmobile -- in Top Fuel!

Pre-race parade of qualifiers.

Leslie Lovett and Bill听Crites.

Wally and Barbara Parks.

Well, that's my list. Let's see yours.

Happy a safe and happy Fourth of July weekend.